I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
