just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
