drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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