This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize