I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
