I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
