Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
