yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
