My nipple is on Facebook.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
