having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You don't make any sense
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