Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
