The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
