wat bout pragnant strippers??
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
