i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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