Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
