Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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