so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
