A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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