It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
