I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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