Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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