I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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