the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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