Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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