you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's blow job season.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
