There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize