too bad you live with your parents still
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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