Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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