dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
