Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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