I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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