4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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