I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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