I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
