your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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