It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
