I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
