I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
