Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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