How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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