I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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