Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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