I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
