Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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