Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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