I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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