Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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