hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I looked at my own cervix.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
