so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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