Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
