he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
