this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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