Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
