I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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