these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
