Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
