well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
